Recipe for Managing Anxiety

As I sit here in front of my computer, I’m not quite sure where to begin. How can I expound on something that has shaped so much of my lived experience? Anxiety is a mental health condition, but it is also so much more. I try to envision my life without anxiety, and I can’t. I try to prevent it from dictating my emotions, and I struggle.

My decision to share my experience with anxiety is not a vain attempt to garner sympathy. (In fact, if you know me, you likely also know that I hate self-pity; I find it pointless and self-defeating.) Neither is it an effort to present my own experience as the norm or in any way representative of anxiety in general. (That said, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, 19.1% of US adults suffer from an anxiety disorder of some kind—which is to say, though not a universal experience, it is far from rare.) Rather, my goal is to process my history with anxiety in a way that, hopefully, can help others as well.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup of self-awareness

• 2 tablespoons of reflection

• A pinch of acceptance

• 1 teaspoon of positive assumption

• 1 handful of self-compassion

• A dash of courage

Instructions:

1. Begin by acknowledging anxiety’s presence in your life, and take some time to determine how it manifests itself

Some people say anxiety is a bully, beating down their self-esteem and causing them to second-guess their abilities. To others, anxiety is an overly critical backseat driver, dictating directions and chastising choices. But to me, anxiety is a thief. It weasels its way into my good intentions before stealing my self-confidence, my determination, and ultimately my opportunities. Recognizing the mechanics of my particular anxiety was a key step in moving toward managing it.

2. Mix self-awareness and reflection

Reflect on past experiences where anxiety played a significant role, and recognize how it has influenced subsequent decisions and opportunities. For me, one of my earliest—and perhaps most poignant—encounters with anxiety occurred when I was five years old. My parents, eager to expose me to new activities, signed me up to play AYSO soccer. I made it to a single practice, during which an impending sense of doom prompted my recently consumed dinner to make an untimely reappearance on the field, after which my dad and I made a hasty exit. I did not attend another practice.

This single event set my childhood development on a rather Pavlovian course. I became conditioned to respond to unknown situations with agitation and dread, feelings that would continue to build until I felt them physically as well as emotionally. The resultant nausea was so great that I would often vomit. At school and church performances, I took to standing on the end of the risers, providing me with a quick exit should the urge to toss my cookies become too great to resist. In cases where my performance drew more attention, such as a piano recital or a swimming race, I would often induce vomiting beforehand to minimize the chance of it happening unprovoked.

I could go on, but you get the picture—I was a nervous wreck of a kid. And while recognizing how significantly my childhood was impacted by anxiety might be painful, it has also given me the conviction I needed to make a change. That said, don’t dwell on the past for too long; it’s far more constructive to tackle anxiety head on.

3. Stir in positive assumptions

Not long ago, I was at my kitchen sink, lost in thought while washing dishes, when I came to a realization that was nothing short of earth shattering: Anxiety is simply the self-defeating, unfounded belief that other people view you negatively when in actuality they don’t. It is selling yourself short; self-sabotage; a denial of the fact that the vast majority of people don’t have any view of you at all, and among those who do, that view is more than likely positive. There is a very real chance that, at some point or another, I had heard the truth behind anxiety explained to me this way before, but the full realization only hit me when I was able to reach that conclusion for myself.

I’m still coming to terms with the ramifications of this paradigm shift, but it has already impacted my life in significant ways. I now make an effort to enter interactions with others, particularly those I’m not as comfortable with or who I don’t know as well, with the assumption that they already like me. And, wouldn’t you know, it actually works!

4. Add a pinch of acceptance

Lest it seem like I’m oversimplifying or glossing over the very real and devastating effects anxiety can have, I must stress that it is important to acknowledge that anxiety is a deeply rooted mental health condition. Its genetic and biological influences mean it isn’t something you can simply "get over." Do your best to accept this reality without falling into the trap of self-pity.

5. Fold in self-compassion

Extend grace to yourself when you make mistakes or fall short of perfection. Recognize that everyone has shortcomings and embarrassing moments—in other words, potential causes for anxiety. Coming to the realization that nobody is free from flaws can be a source of comfort and the impetus for extending grace toward others, and more importantly, toward yourself.

6. Season with courage

Push yourself to face new challenges and opportunities in spite of any anxiety you might experience. Build self-confidence by pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone as you continue to grow and strive, knowing that perfection is not the goal—progress is.

7. Garnish with ongoing effort

Take time regularly to step back and assess your overall well-being and any anxiety you might be experiencing. The journey toward an improved mental outlook is a long one and often involves assessing, reassessing, adjusting, and readjusting the tactics you use to help you on your journey. Keep working on self-confidence and overcoming any lingering fear of failure, and make sure to celebrate the progress you make, no matter how small.

Notes:

• This recipe isn’t a cure, but rather a framework for managing anxiety in a constructive way. Each person’s journey will vary, and some days may require more of certain ingredients than others.

• Remember, the goal is not to eliminate anxiety but to shift your perspective and effectively manage its impact on your life.

• Check out some helpful techniques for managing anxiety from the Anxiety & Depression Association of America.

Enjoy the journey of self-discovery and growth as you continue to tackle anxiety head-on with these steps.